This past Saturday I was at the zoo by myself. Does that sound weird? Sometimes I just like to go and look at the gorillas. I like gorillas because gorillas are neat. I was standing there observing the gorillas when I noticed another lone zoo-goer walk up and position himself next me. He introduced himself, much to my discomfort.

"Hello, friend. My name is Pete. Checking out the gorillas?"

"Yes," I said.

"That's great. I like gorillas because gorillas are neat," he said. It was an awkward bond that he created between us.

"Thanks," I said, even though it didn't make sense at all.

"You're welcome. Say, this is going to sound strange, but I feel a sense of comradery between the two of us. I'd like for you to meet a good friend of mine. His name is Jesus Christ."

"OK," I said.

"Before you say anything, I just want to say that that was a joke. I'm not weird or anything. I just want to shake your hand and be friends with you and watch the gorillas."

"OK," I said.

"Say, friend, how many girls have you fucked?"

"I'm sorry?" I asked

"I only ask because I've fucked a whole lot of girls. A whole lot. I mean, like, three hundred. I bet you think that's pretty awesome, huh? I could teach you how to get girls if you wanted me to."

"No thank you," I said.

"That's cool. Hey, we don't have to go out and get girls to have a good time. We're having a great time right now, just the two of us."

"Hmm," I said.

"Say buddy, do you want to go over to the cafe and split a Parakeet Pizza? How about that?"

"No thank you," I said. "I'm just kind of looking at the gorillas."

"That's totally cool man. Gorillas are neat. Hey, check it out, I think this one's getting ready to do something cool. Check it out." The gorilla stands up for a second and then sits back down. "Oh man," he said. "Gorillas are crazy."

At this moment I dropped the pen I was twirling around in my hand down into the gorilla pit.

"Oh shit, dude," he said. "That looked like a pretty nice pen you dropped. I'll totally go get that for you."

"No, that's OK," I said.

"No, I got it." He slipped off his shoes and tossed them underneath a nearby tree. "Watch those shoes for me, all right? They were Michael Jordan's shoes. He gave them to me after a game once. Pretty awesome, right?" He started climbing down the railing into the gorilla pit.

My pen was sitting right next to the foot of a rather large gorilla. I saw my new friend walk towards it, but instead of picking up my pen he just introduced himself to the gorilla. "That's a pretty nice fur suit you got there," I heard him say. "I bet you keep pretty warm in the winter, right? I had a jacket about like that once. It was the same exact jacket that the dude who first climbed Mount Everest wore. I know you probably think that's pretty neat, right? What are you eating there, some bananas?"

I looked behind me at his weathered, muddy shoes sitting in the shade. I walked down the path to check out the hippopotamus and then I went home.